The way they say ahhhh-men.

You're so stupid, you thought a quarterback was a refund

You know your a redneck if you're playing soccer and you say ''I hit my two best balls today... with a rake.''

If I needed any shit from you I'd squeeze your head.

If a light sleeper can't sleep with a light on, can a hard sleeper sleep with a hard on?

             Did you hear about the guy who drove his Ford Chevy truck into the lake?            it sank....like a rock

You know you're ghetto, if you name your kids after cars you can't afford!

You're so poor, you have a big hole in the wall and call it central air.

I hate to brag, but if I was sitting on the toilet, and got the hiccups, I'd siphon the bowl dry!

You might be a redneck if you have ever vacationed in a highway rest area.

You know you married a redneck when she fills out her family reunion name tag, Four for a Dollar.

I'm gonna tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. Oops, my bad -- someone already told you.

You're so stupid, your mother told you to go buy a color television and you asked, What color?

If my pants aren't at my ankles, don't open your mouth!

You could be a redneck if you were just married and you have nothing but empty Skoal cans strung from your bumper as you leave the church.

You might be a redneck if your baby's first words were, "Attention, K-mart shoppers."

You are so fat, I put a quarter up your butt and you spat out a Little Debbie cake.

The bakery called -- they want their rolls back!

Sex is like a card game - if you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand!

If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

I haven't seen you run that fast since Twinkies went on sale.

Agony: a one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

A guy walks into a bar, and sustains a mild concussion.

You might be a redneck if you lit a match in your bathroom it blew your house off its wheels!

You might be a redneck if directions to your house include ''Turn off the paved road...''

You might be a redneck if you like to brag you learned to fire a shotgun before you could walk!